Whadda Ya Think?

It seems I was born with a sense that God is real. My mama reinforced that belief system by saying good-night prayers with each of her three children. Every night she made the rounds saying the same prayer with my older brother and sister and me, one young'n at a time. It was one you might be familiar with-

"Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
If I should die before I wake
I pray the Lord my soul to take."

We would then proceed to ask God to bless "Mama & Daddy; Gary, Pam, & Debbie; Grandmama & Granddaddy Ard, and Grandmama & Granddaddy Hanna...Amen!" It was a bit awkward when I prayed to God about myself in the third person. However, it worked as the most convenient way for Mama to cover all of her children without showing partiality.

As I recall, the part "if I die before I wake" freaked me out a little. With fear and trepidation I repeated the prayer as a simple act of faith and trust in Mama's words, "God is good." After all, that was included in the blessing we took turns praying before each and every meal-

"God is great, God is good
Let us thank Him for this food
By His hands we all are fed
Give us, Lord, our daily bread. Amen"

My heart's desire was that these prayers wonuldn't fall under the category of rote repetition. I wanted to believe that God knew me better than that. At an even deeper level, I wanted to know without a shadow of a doubt that God was the real deal, so at the age of five I attempted to put Him to the test. (Don't say you've never done that!)

It was Valentine's Day and all the children were exchanging cute little cards at Mother Goose's kindergarten. I figured if God was truly God with a capital "G" then He was the best candidate to receive the nicest valentine in my collection. Tucking His special card away until later, I began the task of signing valentines to everyone in my class with the kind of excitement and anticipation that can only come from the hope of an insecure little girl doing her best to make sure everyone knew that I liked them. (Many received cards from "Map" since I was prone to write my name backwards in those days.) But, the fact was I did like them. But I loved God.

After putting away all the neatly stuffed envelopes and checking and re-checking to make sure I hadn't left anyone out, I put my plan of action into motion that very night. When no one was looking, I snuck into my mama and daddy's half bathroom (sink, toilet and shower) and quietly placed God's valentine inside the shower stall. I knew no one would go in there since we all used the bathtub that was in the other bathroom. Showers were a new way of thinking for most people back then.

No one had to rouse me the next morning. The moment my eyes popped open I thought about the card. Would it still be there? Surely God had taken it to Heaven where He resided in splendor...or maybe He didn't notice? So many questions ran through my mind as I tippy-toed into the bathroom, eased the shower door open, and peeked inside. To my utter disappointment and despair, there lay my favorite valentine just as I had left it.

What do you think went through my young mind? Well, I'll tell you. I figured it could only mean one of two things- either God wasn't real at all or God didn't like to play games. In order to keep the faith, I chose to believe the latter of the two. Deep down inside I knew I was not so much telling God how much I loved Him as I was asking Him to prove Himself to me. Oh, but the very thought of seeing the look on all the children's faces as I told them how God had snatched that valentine I gave him right on up to Heaven in the middle of the night was a thrill to my soul! I had promised God I wouldn't tell anyone- that we could keep it between the two of us- but I don't think I could have restrained myself. In fact, I'm pretty doggone sure I would have told everyone I knew!

Despite my broken heart, I continued to believe with childlike faith. Many years have passed since that February day, forty-three to be exact. And with the passing of years, I've become more confident than ever that God is real. I'm saying this- if I'm still alive, trust me, God is real and God is good. I have seen Him work miracles not only in my life but in the lives of many others. Not quite as dramatic as disappearing acts, but certainly more glorious and exceptionally sublime.

God doesn't have to prove Himself to me any longer. I've learned what it's like to walk by faith and not by sight. I know He loves me. I know He saw me put that valentine in the shower stall but He also knew it wouldn't be enough to merely make it disappear into the heavenlies. He knew that what I really needed was to know Him as one who would love me enough to walk with me through the valleys, pull me out of the pits I kept jumping into, and carry me through the rain instead of a God who would make an appearance every now and then and only on special occasions.

This I know, I have the ultimate valentine, Jesus Christ, who proved His immeasurable love on Calvary's cross to save a wretch like me. He proved His power over sin and death when He rose from the dead with the promise of everlasting life. I no longer fear "if I should die before I wake" because I know a greater glory awaits me when He decides "my soul to take." How I long for the day when I will see Him face to face! I imagined just yesterday what that would be like and do you want to know what came to me through the very follicles of my gray hair and broken down brain cells? I got the sense that when I was finally done loving on Jesus, He would proceed to present to me a gift that He had kept hidden behind His back. I pictured Him grinning from ear to ear as He handed me a Valentine's Day card. Not just any one, mind you, but the very one He picked up from the shower stall and replaced with another one just like it! Now, I ask you, wouldn't that be cool!?

What about you? When you were younger, did you ever do something just as far out or was there a moment when God actually did pick up your "valentine", so to speak, and blew your ever-loving mind? Maybe you never gave Him a second thought. Or was He a distant figure to you like some kind of fairy tale or ghostlike creature? Looking back over your life, has it been easy or difficult to believe that God is great and God is good? This very day, do you know at the very core of your being, that, yes, Jesus loves you? The Bible tells us so. That's proof enough for me.